Alone
by real-circus
Summary: Four heroes...two dead, one grieveous beyond cure, and one telling this story...Bet you can guess who it is :P I'll be uploading diff versions, in other words, diff POVs...*2nd version uploaded* ^^
1. Act 1: To Feel Nothing

A/n: I don't own Saiyuki…but the fic is mine^^ Isn't it quite obvious who the narrator is? I'm just doing this because I felt like writing it, not cos I love to kill the sexy characters in Saiyuki…don't take this fic seriously—it's—just—a—fic. I should warn you about the shounen-ai in this fic though…a little GojyoXHakkai. 

**Alone: Version 1**

So… the smile has faded finally. I was disillusioned by the current events that were happening right before by eyes, and had a good reason to frown.  

My world was torn apart—again—just when I had finished mending the broken pieces. Two people whom I considered friends—dead; one is away to grief over his tragic loss, but his limiter, glinting dully, is splitting. If only…if only Sanzo was here to put it all right…

I grasped the bloody hole in my best friend's stomach tightly, and sent the last of my energy down to my arms, hands, fingers, until the familiar bright glow emitted to heal the wounded. He never even stirred. It had been about five long minutes since he passed to the other world…passed to the other world without _me. _He said he'd go there with me. He _promised. _He…_promised. _

_"No…you can't. Gojyo! Don't leave me…please…you're the only one I have left…don't leave me! You promised…"_

_"I'm sorry," his tears mingled with the blood. "I'm sorry…"_

_The healing continued, till I could take it no longer. I had failed. Failed to complete the mission, failed to protect the ones I love…_

_His hand became weak in mine. He gave me one last smile before those crimson eyes were masked with the emotionless veneer. How could he have smiled at a situation like this? How could you, Gojyo? When the wound in your stomach was burning, and my heart was sinking, how could you have smiled? _

_…Thank you, for you gave me that one scrap of hope my heart needed to go on. I appreciate that…and I love you. _

It came almost instantly—a sharp wail pierced through the tense atmosphere before I could even register what I was doing. I cried out again, louder this time, as though that would help the ice from terrorizing my soul. I felt weak, useless, vulnerable…the things I shouldn't have felt then. 

Then I knew, I was alone. I should have known it would have come to this. I should have known I would be thrown back to where I'd started from. 

I kissed the blue band in my hands, wishing it was its owner. I ran my shaking fingers along its silken material, wishing it was his hair. 

"Don't leave me…"

The dark past was creeping up on me, but my dim future had no room for that. I was caught between the two—the sorrowful present. 

I suddenly realized this must have been how Goku must have felt—unable to control your feelings, pushing away the grievous sight before you only to be wishing you were never alive to witness it happen…gone insane through the immense anguish your heart could barely take…it's no wonder his limiter broke. 

The demon in me registered nothing except the warm blood on its clawed hands; heard nothing save the cries of its victims; _felt nothing _but the pressure of a counter attack…it had no human feelings, felt no grief, no heart-breaking—just what I wanted to be now. 

"I'm so sorry…Gojyo, Sanzo, Goku…I can't…"

And I tore off all three limiters. 

To release myself. 

To hear nothing, to feel nothing, save the painful stretching of skin and growing of talons…

_I'm so sorry. _


	2. Act 2: To Love Something

Real-circus: Again, 'tis obvious who the narrator is… shounen-ai, blood, tragedy, death of beloved characters……*bows* Enjoy. 

 **Alone: Version 2**

Blood. So much blood… _your red hair…reminded me of blood…_Now, wonder who said that to me before…I can't remember, can't think straight…

I tried ever so hard to focus on that one beautiful face of the man who towered above me, his shivering hands determinedly raised over my wound, healing it, cursing it. All is lost. I give. I mean, what could get worse? That Gyumao guy was revived, and we lost the fight…

…And to add to my depression, one of my companions has died defending what he loved, and the other has gone mad with grief. At least _he's _still with me. He, the one whom I saved many years back, was returning the favor. He, the one who took care of me like a mother I never had… he, the one who stayed up late at night by the small table, warming dinner up every hour, waiting for my return…

"Hakkai…" Yes, he was the one. 

"Save your breath." His voice was filled with tremors. Tears shone, despite the lack of light, on his long lashes I was so used to gazing at every night. It hurt. It hurt to see him so sad. Devoid of that usual smile, fake or not, his perfect features… didn't look right. 

I felt my wound close up just slightly as he tried again, so firm, so unyielding… and sat giddily for a while before slumping down, hands breaking the fall. He was so weak. I wanted to help him get up, yet my legs were declining it. 

"No…_no…_" 

There he was, hovering over us, a sly, evil grin on his tanned face. He wasn't the enemy we used to know, wasn't the enemy we used to fight… a dagger gleamed in his hand…

"_No…_please…don't… NO!" I struggled to get to my feet, falling back instead. Hakkai panted harshly, his energy fully drained out. I wept, because I felt so defenseless…I slammed my burning fists against the ground, because I knew what was coming next… I told my love to run, because I didn't want to lose him…

"I love you so much…" Monocle glimmered in the faint light, and that smile touched his face. That angelic smile brought me back to life. 

"Hakkai… don't… don't you dare do this to me…_no_," I hissed.

…The bloody knife that stabbed his life away tore through my heart. It went on for several times, till his murderer was fulfilled. I stifled my sobs, so as not to give him the satisfaction of killing my best friend, my lover, my Hakkai. The tears streamed down continuously, as I watched him smile his last smile. I was ever so glad he saved that smile just for me. 

_You bloody idiot, Hakkai…you lied to me…you said you'd wait for me…damn you, Hakkai, you went alone…you went without me…_

"Do it. Send me to where _he _is now," I said, nodding my head at the man who laid motionless on me. "Do it." 

The demon just grinned widely again. Nope, this wasn't the enemy I knew. This one was scary, though he had the same face of the one I fought before. I waited for the blade to sink in my skin with open arms. _Hakkai…I'll be where you are…just you wait…_

…and he turned away. 

Wait. Come back. No… this isn't happening. "COME BACK! YOU BASTARD!" I could feel him smirk even though his back was facing me. When had he become like this? When the hell had he turned to torturing people's minds instead of wiping them out quickly? Why? The bastard. The goddamn bastard. 

I cradled the lifeless being in my arms, whispering sweet words into his deaf ear, caressing his numb skin gently, kissing the motionless lips, expecting to be kissed back. Absurd, I was, all because I loved a man who loved me back. 

I failed protecting the man I had taken care of for the past years… all is truly lost. 

I glanced at his pure face, only to be taken aback by that lovely smile that adorned his features ['Alone' plays in the background**]… and he looked right. He looked like the Cho Hakkai I knew and loved, and that spurred my heart to go on living, even though it had not much meaning left with him gone. 

**Real-circus:** **When I reread it to correct some stuff, the piece just automatically played in my head……weird, I think it was because I watched the last episode 'Alone' over and over again… you know, the part when Homura had this smile on his face and the music was driving me to tears…


End file.
